Polish bear hunters
Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to
go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where
a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home.
How to Skin a
Bear
Two men went bear hunting. One stayed in the cabin, and
the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a
huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his
rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he
could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little
faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he
reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and
went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to
his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get
another!"
Catching many
fish
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that
was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the
cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a
stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman
looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and
said, " Only caught one, eh?"
Fishermen killed
Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband
with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but
couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally,
after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not
decide on names right now. If we wait a little while,
the names will simply occur to us."
After several weeks had passed, the
fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When
left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the
sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't
matter which way the parents positioned the children,
the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's
call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the
fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the
boys were simply known as Towards and Away.
The years passed and the lads grew
tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman
said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to
make a living from the sea." They provisioned their
ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three
month voyage.
The three months passed
quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not
returned. Another three months passed, and still no
ship. Three whole years passed before the grieving woman
saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized
him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to
my darling boys?" she cried.
The ragged fisherman began to tell
his story: "We were just barely one whole day out to see
when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought
long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For
a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either
of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish
started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over
the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we
never saw either of them again."
"Oh dear, that must have been
terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!"
"Yes, it was, but you should have
seen the one that got Away...."
Jeb & Billybob Go
Hunting
One day Jeb and Billybob were Deer
Hunting, and they got lost. Jeb tells Billybob "wait,
don't panic I learned what to do in case this happens.
Your supposed to shoot up into the air three times and
someone will hear you and come with help," "okay" said
Billybob. So he shoots three times into the air. They
both wait an hour and no one shows up. So they shoot
three times again and still no one shows up. Bewildered
they try this again and again for the next couple of
hours. Billybob starts to look a little worried, then he
shouts "It better work this time Jeb, we're down to our
last three arrows!"
Tipping a Few
After Hunting
One night during the local deer
hunting season a police officer was staking out a
particularly rowdy country bar for possible DUI
violations. At closing time, he saw a deer hunter tumble
out of the bar, trip on the curb, then try his keys in
five different cars before he found his. He sat in the
front seat fumbling around with his keys for several
minutes. All the other deer hunters left the bar and
drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to
pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He
stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered
the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of
0.00. The puzzle officer demanded to know how that could
be. The deer hunter replied, "Tonight I'm the designated
decoy."
Duck Hunting
A guy was duck hunting in Alabama
when the park ranger walks up,
"Afternoon sir", the ranger says, "You got an Alabama
duck hunting license"?
"Yes I do", the redneck replies.
The ranger picks up one of the ducks and sticks a finger
up it's bum and takes a lick of his finger then says,
"Sorry but this ducks from Georgia, you got a Georgia
license?
"Yes I do sir" , the redneck says,
So the ranger picks up another duck with the same
results says, "well this duck is from Mississippi, you
got a license from Mississippi?"
"Yes I do sir" the good ole boys says.
"Well dang son where you from?" the ranger says.
The old boy stands up turns around, drops his drawers
and says:
"Well you tell me buddy!"
Two hunters went moose hunting
every winter without success. Finally, they came up with
a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose
costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then
come out of the costume and shoot it. They set
themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their
costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before
long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing
out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull
was close enough, the
guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."
After
a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the
back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to
do?"
The
guy in the front said, "Well, I'm going to start
nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself.
